any given saturday

I guess to say that I miss my college years everyday is probably a huge understatement. I think that the fact that I miss the actual place and the people more than I miss the partying is how I know I made the right choice when I chose to go to school at JMU. This weekend was the biggest weekend in sports history for the school. We played #13 Virginia Tech in their home opener. And we won. Students, alum and fans worldwide are still going crazy and I have never been more proud to be a Duke.

QB Drew Dudzik ran for two touchdowns

Today at work I have spent any ounce of spare time reading and re-reading every article and watching every youtube video posted from Saturday. Normally, going into a game the coach will say we can win, we can do this. But we were not expected to win at all. In fact, big teams choose to play FBS teams so they know they will have a sure win early in the season. Oh well. Even at halftime, when the Dukes were down 13-7, JMU’s head coach Mickey Matthews still told the team “We might still not win, but at least we’ll be close”. Tech hadn’t tried to recruit even one of the current JMU football players but by the time we left Blacksburg on Saturday I can bet they were re-thinking that all together.

Today the school is celebrating by having a national “purple out” and you can bet that I’m sporting my purple corporate America clothes at work today. Go Dukes!

Today's ESPN NCAA Football Homepage

breakfast with a side of creepy

Every Wednesday at work the chefs make hot breakfast that is always way too good to pass up. I’m not a breakfast person but the smell of bacon and eggs walking into work really does brighten up my day. Anyway, one of the chefs is from Jamaica and is a great cook and really nice to me but his niceness often verges on inappropriateness. He has a wife and three kids but it doesn’t stop him from his attempts to hit on me. I say attempts because, well, they are particularly poor attempts. Maybe it is a cultural barrier or language barrier thing, I’m not really sure but our conversation this morning was noticeably strange and his comments often make me wonder where some guys get their “lines” from.


Since I went on vacation two weeks in a row the chef noticed I was gone for a while so this morning he was asking me all about it. He said, “Next time you tell me when you go and I will go and be your body guard.” Now, this isn’t so bad except for the fact that he’s about 5 feet 2 inches and probably weighs 20 pounds less than I do. When I think of Jamaican men (which is almost never) I imagine huge, black guys or Bob Marley type guys with dreads. So it’s pretty comical that this guy, who’s side profession is a barber, thinks he could be my body guard on vacation. What are you going to do? Comb them to death?


Not only is this guy super small but his accent makes it physically impossible to understand him. He speaks Spanish, French and English on top of a Jamaican accent and sounds like he mixes them all together when he talks. So this morning, as I am waiting for my eggs looking a little tired, when he said, “Don’t fall asleep on me baby. You will wake up someplace else because I will take you away and you will wake up asking what happened”, I had to ask him to repeat himself. Oh no, I heard him correctly. He wants to drug and kidnap me. Two scrambled eggs have never taken longer to cook in my entire life.


Once he handed me my eggs I could not get out of there fast enough. I try my absolute hardest to just laugh and nod and be polite because he is making my food every day but his comments are just absurd. I used to work at a country club when I was younger surrounded by chefs so I’m no stranger to “sexual harassment” (I use quotes because I just really brushed everything off or joked right back) and I know that how he’s talking to me, while inappropriate in the workplace, is totally harmless and usually just makes me laugh once I get out of there. I’m not about to make a big deal over what he’s saying so there’s nothing left to do but shrug him off as nicely as possible.


For example, a few hours after the kidnapping conversation I walked back into the cafeteria to get a cup of tea and there he is sitting at a table on his break. Of course I got the “Baby come sit with me!” heckling as I walked by but, as I told him, “a girl’s gotta work”. I got my tea and as I walked back passed him on my way out he was playing “Pretty Woman” on his iPhone. His version of the lyrics went “Pretty woman, walking out of the dining room…”. Imagine that in a French/Spanish/Jamaican accent and that about sums up my morning. So I’ll take the amusement at work any day but if he could just leave his creepy threats at home with his wife and kids that would be great, too.

only child syndrome

As a middle child, I have never had the luxury of being the one with all the attention or the baby of the family. I would not go as far to say that I have “middle child syndrome” but I have this insane need to be around people all the time. Last year around this time I was in a constant panic because my younger sister was leaving for college and my older sister had moved so that left me. Alone. With Sue and Bill. I felt like I was being left behind and the thought of being an “only child” scared the living crap out of me. Until I realized how awesome it was.



I thought that mom and dad would focus all their attention on me which would obviously become a huge pain in the ass but really it was the opposite. My dad refs high school and college basketball from September through March and so he was rarely home when I was. And so that left me and my mom. We got into each other’s habits i.e. I started drinking wine when I got home with her and she started reading US Weekly and Life & Style while she drank her wine. All was well. And then May came around again, Brittany was back from school and my dad resorted back to his summer activity of golf. I quickly realized how silly it was for me to think that being an only child would be anything but great.


Now, of course I love my sister and I do miss her while she is away but to say that Britt “stirred the pot” while she was home is like saying that the sky is only sort of blue or vuvuzelas are only a little annoying. Everything she did over the summer I had done once in my life. Of course I would have parties while my parents were away or leave the house at absurd times during the night or drink myself stupid or not call for hours on end so that everyone thinks you are dead or sleep “somewhere” when you’re really sleeping “somewhere” else. The difference between us is that I only got caught in a handful of these poor choices. It seemed that this summer every time she did something stupid she got caught. Whatever happened to learning from your older siblings’ mistakes? For example, I learned from my older sister not to leave condoms strewn about and not to smoke on the corner of our own street because someone will see you. I also learned that really the only thing our parents ask from us is that we call and let them know where we are. Even if we aren’t really where we say we are, they just like to know we’re alive.


My point is that come this past Saturday I think everyone was ready to wrap up the summer. Britt was thrilled to be going back to school and of course I was insanely jealous that she got to go back and I couldn’t. Now we’re back to our quiet, 3 person house. Once basketball starts, it will be back to me, Sue, wine and US Weekly and I am for sure looking forward to that. Like almost all summers I am always sad when it comes to an end and this year is no different. But for some reason this year there is a part of me that is ready for fall. I think the intense heat this year and all the excessive drinking that was done has me tired out. Or maybe it’s just me getting old? I hope not but fall in New York is my favorite. Before you know it, it will be Christmas and Britt will be back home being escorted to our front door by the police. That didn’t happen this summer but it seems on trend. I guess when half of your college tuition has been taken care of because you’re a semi-genius you can afford to make these little mistakes. What would college be without them anyway? Boring as hell, that’s what.

world traveling

As a 24 year old with a pretty decent job who is still living at home, I have the luxury of spending my money on things that, if I was paying rent, I wouldn’t be able to buy. This year: 3 vacations.

family vacay

Nashville in June wasn’t so much a vacation as a trip since it was just for the weekend but there was a flight, hotel and two days and nights of heavy boozing that needed to be paid for. Last week was my family’s annual trip to the Outerbanks. Since I was an “adult” starting last year I started to pay for the trip myself which makes sense because I’m not a child and I shouldn’t have to depend on my parents for every single thing. They have been paying for my vacations for 23 years and, believe it or not, I was really happy to finally be able to do it myself. This year, even though I had my check in hand to pay for the week, my parents took pardon on me and paid for my share. Did I protest? Of course. Did I protest more than once? Nope. Our wallets had all taken a major hit this year from my sister’s wedding and they wanted to help me out. I’m lucky enough that they didn’t make me feel guilty once about it or even bring it up after they decided to do it. Gotta love Sue and Bill.

Tomorrow I leave once again and head back to the Outerbanks. The drive down there is sort of like what they say about child birth. Your body forgets just how awful it is and so you’re okay having some more babies. Usually there’s an entire year between the drive back home and the drive back down but since I just did it last week just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Too bad drinking and driving is illegal because that’s pretty much the only thing that would make it bearable. This time though, I’m making a stop about half way through to pick up Ashley in Arlington, VA so I will have her company for the second half. I’m pretty thankful for this and for the fact that I’ll have someone to sing along to *Nsync’s greatest hits and all our Homecoming mixes with me. I haven’t seen her since New Year’s and I’m excited to spend time bitching about our lives to each other for 5 hours.

home sweet home for the week

We’re all arriving at different times on Saturday but I think me and Ashley will be the last ones. Jules, Starkey, Skinny, Joe, Woody, Casey, Maggie, Chris, Andrew, Jaqueline, Nicole and her roommates will all be patiently awaiting our arrival at our humble abode for the week. Even though last week and this coming week will have both been spent in the Outerbanks, the experience next week will be quite different from last week’s vacation with my family. Last week I was up at 9 every morning, went out for a run and came back to enjoy some cereal and coffee. This coming week I’ll wake up hungover every day at 11 and head straight to the beach where there will be a cooler of cold beers waiting for me. Last week we all went mini-golfing one night. This coming week we have a Jersey Shore themed party planned for Thursday. Last week we had fun noodles in the pool. This coming week we have an inflatable beer pong table. Get my drift?

Though the Outerbanks is a little less expensive than other places I could be going, 3 vacations add up pretty quickly. I have decided that once Labor Day rolls around its time to put a little more into my savings every month and start to focus on making the move the eff out of 25 Truman. For the rest of the summer though I will enjoy the rest of my traveling and random $100 nights out.

See ya in a week!

deep tissue massages

Last night was another interesting night at the bar and definitely made up for the lack of people there last week. I really don’t feel like my week is complete unless I have listened in on an AC Board Meeting or have made some cranberry-vodkas for Tom.


When I walked in at 5:30 Tom was BEHIND the bar cleaning up his own bottles of Corona and wiping down the sink. Really, nothing surprises me anymore there. I think instead of members at a club they all think it’s some sort of collective; they all just do whatever they want, I guess including bartending themselves. I’m not sure how he got in the bar but the most random people have keys to that place (myself included). So it didn’t really surprise me when he said, “I had to be my own bartender for the last hour! Where have you been?”. When I told him I was at my actual job, which he has known about since the moment I met him, he responded “Oh duh you’re a lawyer, long hours, I get it.” First of all, so far from a lawyer. And second, it’s 5:30 on a Thursday. Just because the pool is crowded with adults (God only knows what all those people do for a living), I would hardly call my getting somewhere by 5:30 “long hours”. As he left, he serenaded me with “I Believe” by Blessid Union of Souls and told me he would be back later. I didn’t doubt him for a second.


For about an hour I thought that my night would be spent watching a rerun of the Espy’s and actually hoping that Tom would stroll in. He may ramble on and on but I’ll listen to whatever he’s got to say because he never leaves without throwing at least a twenty on the bar. Around 7:30 all the board members started to walk in and I couldn’t have been happier. As usual, when the meeting was done they all came into the bar. It’s funny because before every single meeting each of them complain to me separately about how they don’t want to be there and how long the meetings go on for. But then they all come into the bar afterwards and it’s like they have a second meeting without all the people they dislike. So they talk about the same issues and how crazy the other people are for their ridiculous opinions on them. My favorite is when they ask me my opinions because I’m pretty sure a lot of them think that I am a member too. “Yes, we definitely need new beach chairs!” and “We definitely need to plan more events!” and “We need new TVs for the bar!”. I love helping spend money that isn’t mine.


While most of the board was still hanging around, Tom came waltzing in as promised. Of course everyone knows him and there was one couple in particular he hadn’t seen for quite some time. They had moved from Yonkers to Florida and were visiting for the weekend. As you have probably noticed, Tom usually picks one subject and sticks to it and whether you like it or not you are part of the conversation and, in this case, demonstration. I blame myself for last night’s topic: Parts of the Body. I made the mistake of cracking my back in front of him and since he is a “licensed masseur” this prompted him to start cracking everyone’s backs and massaging random parts of their bodies. I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy to be behind that bar in my entire life (7 months). I thoroughly enjoyed watching him massage the wife of the couple’s back and arms while her husband blew smoke out of his ears. The husband kept jingling his keys and walking towards the door saying how he “doesn’t want to keep this poor girl here all night” to which Tom replied, “Well I’ll be here for a while anyway. Me and Kate haven’t had our weekly chat yet.” Awesome.


Our “chat” consisted of him telling me to stand up straight and turn to my left and right so he could examine my posture. I made the mistake of telling him about all the problems I’m having since I started running. So, of course, he suggested I run up and down the driveway so he could “see how I move”. It was at this point I told him it was time to go. It takes him a while to get the hint but once he does he’s usually pretty good about getting out of there.


I learned a lot last night about muscles that don’t exist and Eastern medicine that no one has ever heard of before. But I’ll take a lesson in fake crap in exchange for the sweet tips. Tomorrow: Dave Matthews.

the regulars

The gym has all these rules posted everywhere: no gum chewing, no cell phones, 30 minute time limit on cardio machines. But what about general gym etiquette? Recently I’ve noticed some weird things happening there that make me think “didn’t your mother ever tell you that’s inappropriate”?


The first issue I have is with this one particular couple. Now, I have no problems with interracial relationships but it will help me describe the awkwardness of these two. The woman is Asian and I would say she’s about 25-30 years old. The guy is this much older, white wrinkly man, probably at the very least 30 years older than she is. It seems by the way they are constantly touching each other and their random make out sessions in the middle of doing weights that they are very much in love. Which is great but the entire NY Sports Club doesn’t need to know about it. The other thing about them is how the woman dresses. Before I go on about gym attire, I think if I had a disposable income I would probably have much nicer gym clothes that match and are a material other than cotton. For now though I will stick to my JMU t-shirts and Old Navy yoga pants. What I am saying is that it’s great if you can look good when you go to the gym but this woman takes it to the extreme. Every time I see her she has on a neon colored sports bra with the same neon colored second skin stretchies. Not so bad right? Except over the neon colored stretchies is a different colored neon thong. I’m not kidding. And I can safely say she has at least 5 of these interchangeable outfits. Okay fine. You want to look like you stepped out of a Jane Fonda video? That’s great. But if you are going to wear an outfit like that and draw that much attention you should probably be in some sort of shape. And I’m not one to judge things like that but when I say she should not be wearing those kind of outfits, she SHOULD NOT be wearing those kind of outfits. This couple’s gym presence is so disturbing but now every time I see them I can’t help but stare and analyze their dynamics. If nothing else it makes my time on the treadmill a little bit more entertaining.


The next thing is the women’s locker room. I totally get that people are showering and naked and whatever. But do you really need to come out of the shower and stand in the middle of the locker room with no clothes on having what you think is a totally normal conversation? Especially with someone who is, in fact, wearing clothes? I’m usually at the gym around the same time every day after work so I often see the same people there. One woman, Sharon, just happens to always be getting out of the shower as I am getting ready to start my workout. She’s very friendly and I always see her talking to other women. Completely naked. One particular day I was tying my sneakers sitting on a bench and here comes Sharon. She sits down right next to me totally naked and strikes up a conversation about how much she loves my sneakers. Not just oh I like those. She’s asking me where I got them, were they expensive, do I have flat feet, do I run in them blah blah blah. I’ll have a 30 minute conversation with anyone about sneakers but when all of you is right out there in front of my face I cannot get away from you fast enough. At least put a towel on and then we’ll chat.


The last incident happened to me yesterday and is more disturbing than anything else. As I am on the treadmill I notice this small child, no more than 8 years old, standing around the weights area. I thought that was odd and then realized he was with his dad which I also thought was odd since the gym has a place where you can leave your kids. Then I realized that this kid was actually working out with his dad. Lifting weights and everything. Not only was this kid young, but he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. Then, of course, the dad puts the kid on the treadmill right next to me and he starts to run! I do this thing where in my mind I try to “beat” the people on the treadmills next to me because it helps me run longer. So now I’m racing this kid. Kids have an absurd amount of energy and stamina and so now I’m battling this 8 year old on some sort of sugar high who doesn’t know it but we’re racing. Well I lost the battle and even when I was done with my whole workout this kid was still going.


I guess all of my problems at the gym would be solved if I could just get up early and go before work. Until I find that inner motivation I guess I’ll be dealing with the Makeouts, Naked Sharon and 8 year old Prefontaine.

ain't that america

I never realized how much I actually enjoyed the 4th of July until I started to work a normal job that gave you off for it. Throughout high school and college I worked at a country club and so we were the people that actually did work on the 4th. Slaving away in the insane heat for people who didn’t give a shit how hot you were, they just wanted their BBQ Chicken Sandwich (hold the bun and barbeque sauce) always made for a spectacular holiday.


The novelty of having that day off still has not worn off for me. This year marks the 2nd time I’ve actually gotten to enjoy the day and all its glory. The weekend started at 3pm on Friday at which time I headed straight to Long Beach from work. I was taking mental notes the entire time about the drive down because if I am still working here next summer and we end up with a summer share there that’s what the drive will be like every Friday. A lot of variables but I’m a planner. After a bit of traffic just at the very end I arrived at Seaside Celebrations. Though most of the weekend would be spent in Long Beach, this night was devoted to work, not play, for me and Caitlin. Seaside Celebrations is a sort of day care/camp/babysitting/drop off your kids and forget about them type of place that Caitlin’s sister Kristina owns. Friday nights are Parent’s Night Out which means they drop off the kids from 6-9 and go get drunk for three hours. 3 hours, 33 kids, a few dirty diapers and one screaming baby later we were done and it was well worth the $30 per kid. We headed right next door to the Cabana for a much needed margarita and then headed home to sleep it off.

I don’t know what we were thinking when we skipped right over Saturday for the weekend, but it was pretty low key. Sunday we headed back out to Long Beach around 3 for the 4th festivities. What could be more American than day drinking at the beach? I say nothing. We started off with some pomegranate and lime flavored Michelob Ultra Lights which I highly, highly recommend and from there on out it was smooth sailing. We met Siobhan and a few of her friends at her house and had a four hour highly entertaining dinner at her neighbors. Around 11 we headed to the bars and the rest is history. I think I can speak for everyone involved that we had a fabulous time. After a few of us went our separate ways late into the night, recapping the stories the next day while watching Hannah Montana was one of the best parts. Did I see the beach even once while I was down there? Nope. Well sort of. But that wasn’t really the point I guess. If I could be in the same place with those same people doing the exact same thing next year I wouldn’t ask for anything more.

Here’s to the novelty not wearing off next year either…