deep tissue massages

Last night was another interesting night at the bar and definitely made up for the lack of people there last week. I really don’t feel like my week is complete unless I have listened in on an AC Board Meeting or have made some cranberry-vodkas for Tom.


When I walked in at 5:30 Tom was BEHIND the bar cleaning up his own bottles of Corona and wiping down the sink. Really, nothing surprises me anymore there. I think instead of members at a club they all think it’s some sort of collective; they all just do whatever they want, I guess including bartending themselves. I’m not sure how he got in the bar but the most random people have keys to that place (myself included). So it didn’t really surprise me when he said, “I had to be my own bartender for the last hour! Where have you been?”. When I told him I was at my actual job, which he has known about since the moment I met him, he responded “Oh duh you’re a lawyer, long hours, I get it.” First of all, so far from a lawyer. And second, it’s 5:30 on a Thursday. Just because the pool is crowded with adults (God only knows what all those people do for a living), I would hardly call my getting somewhere by 5:30 “long hours”. As he left, he serenaded me with “I Believe” by Blessid Union of Souls and told me he would be back later. I didn’t doubt him for a second.


For about an hour I thought that my night would be spent watching a rerun of the Espy’s and actually hoping that Tom would stroll in. He may ramble on and on but I’ll listen to whatever he’s got to say because he never leaves without throwing at least a twenty on the bar. Around 7:30 all the board members started to walk in and I couldn’t have been happier. As usual, when the meeting was done they all came into the bar. It’s funny because before every single meeting each of them complain to me separately about how they don’t want to be there and how long the meetings go on for. But then they all come into the bar afterwards and it’s like they have a second meeting without all the people they dislike. So they talk about the same issues and how crazy the other people are for their ridiculous opinions on them. My favorite is when they ask me my opinions because I’m pretty sure a lot of them think that I am a member too. “Yes, we definitely need new beach chairs!” and “We definitely need to plan more events!” and “We need new TVs for the bar!”. I love helping spend money that isn’t mine.


While most of the board was still hanging around, Tom came waltzing in as promised. Of course everyone knows him and there was one couple in particular he hadn’t seen for quite some time. They had moved from Yonkers to Florida and were visiting for the weekend. As you have probably noticed, Tom usually picks one subject and sticks to it and whether you like it or not you are part of the conversation and, in this case, demonstration. I blame myself for last night’s topic: Parts of the Body. I made the mistake of cracking my back in front of him and since he is a “licensed masseur” this prompted him to start cracking everyone’s backs and massaging random parts of their bodies. I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy to be behind that bar in my entire life (7 months). I thoroughly enjoyed watching him massage the wife of the couple’s back and arms while her husband blew smoke out of his ears. The husband kept jingling his keys and walking towards the door saying how he “doesn’t want to keep this poor girl here all night” to which Tom replied, “Well I’ll be here for a while anyway. Me and Kate haven’t had our weekly chat yet.” Awesome.


Our “chat” consisted of him telling me to stand up straight and turn to my left and right so he could examine my posture. I made the mistake of telling him about all the problems I’m having since I started running. So, of course, he suggested I run up and down the driveway so he could “see how I move”. It was at this point I told him it was time to go. It takes him a while to get the hint but once he does he’s usually pretty good about getting out of there.


I learned a lot last night about muscles that don’t exist and Eastern medicine that no one has ever heard of before. But I’ll take a lesson in fake crap in exchange for the sweet tips. Tomorrow: Dave Matthews.

the regulars

The gym has all these rules posted everywhere: no gum chewing, no cell phones, 30 minute time limit on cardio machines. But what about general gym etiquette? Recently I’ve noticed some weird things happening there that make me think “didn’t your mother ever tell you that’s inappropriate”?


The first issue I have is with this one particular couple. Now, I have no problems with interracial relationships but it will help me describe the awkwardness of these two. The woman is Asian and I would say she’s about 25-30 years old. The guy is this much older, white wrinkly man, probably at the very least 30 years older than she is. It seems by the way they are constantly touching each other and their random make out sessions in the middle of doing weights that they are very much in love. Which is great but the entire NY Sports Club doesn’t need to know about it. The other thing about them is how the woman dresses. Before I go on about gym attire, I think if I had a disposable income I would probably have much nicer gym clothes that match and are a material other than cotton. For now though I will stick to my JMU t-shirts and Old Navy yoga pants. What I am saying is that it’s great if you can look good when you go to the gym but this woman takes it to the extreme. Every time I see her she has on a neon colored sports bra with the same neon colored second skin stretchies. Not so bad right? Except over the neon colored stretchies is a different colored neon thong. I’m not kidding. And I can safely say she has at least 5 of these interchangeable outfits. Okay fine. You want to look like you stepped out of a Jane Fonda video? That’s great. But if you are going to wear an outfit like that and draw that much attention you should probably be in some sort of shape. And I’m not one to judge things like that but when I say she should not be wearing those kind of outfits, she SHOULD NOT be wearing those kind of outfits. This couple’s gym presence is so disturbing but now every time I see them I can’t help but stare and analyze their dynamics. If nothing else it makes my time on the treadmill a little bit more entertaining.


The next thing is the women’s locker room. I totally get that people are showering and naked and whatever. But do you really need to come out of the shower and stand in the middle of the locker room with no clothes on having what you think is a totally normal conversation? Especially with someone who is, in fact, wearing clothes? I’m usually at the gym around the same time every day after work so I often see the same people there. One woman, Sharon, just happens to always be getting out of the shower as I am getting ready to start my workout. She’s very friendly and I always see her talking to other women. Completely naked. One particular day I was tying my sneakers sitting on a bench and here comes Sharon. She sits down right next to me totally naked and strikes up a conversation about how much she loves my sneakers. Not just oh I like those. She’s asking me where I got them, were they expensive, do I have flat feet, do I run in them blah blah blah. I’ll have a 30 minute conversation with anyone about sneakers but when all of you is right out there in front of my face I cannot get away from you fast enough. At least put a towel on and then we’ll chat.


The last incident happened to me yesterday and is more disturbing than anything else. As I am on the treadmill I notice this small child, no more than 8 years old, standing around the weights area. I thought that was odd and then realized he was with his dad which I also thought was odd since the gym has a place where you can leave your kids. Then I realized that this kid was actually working out with his dad. Lifting weights and everything. Not only was this kid young, but he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. Then, of course, the dad puts the kid on the treadmill right next to me and he starts to run! I do this thing where in my mind I try to “beat” the people on the treadmills next to me because it helps me run longer. So now I’m racing this kid. Kids have an absurd amount of energy and stamina and so now I’m battling this 8 year old on some sort of sugar high who doesn’t know it but we’re racing. Well I lost the battle and even when I was done with my whole workout this kid was still going.


I guess all of my problems at the gym would be solved if I could just get up early and go before work. Until I find that inner motivation I guess I’ll be dealing with the Makeouts, Naked Sharon and 8 year old Prefontaine.

ain't that america

I never realized how much I actually enjoyed the 4th of July until I started to work a normal job that gave you off for it. Throughout high school and college I worked at a country club and so we were the people that actually did work on the 4th. Slaving away in the insane heat for people who didn’t give a shit how hot you were, they just wanted their BBQ Chicken Sandwich (hold the bun and barbeque sauce) always made for a spectacular holiday.


The novelty of having that day off still has not worn off for me. This year marks the 2nd time I’ve actually gotten to enjoy the day and all its glory. The weekend started at 3pm on Friday at which time I headed straight to Long Beach from work. I was taking mental notes the entire time about the drive down because if I am still working here next summer and we end up with a summer share there that’s what the drive will be like every Friday. A lot of variables but I’m a planner. After a bit of traffic just at the very end I arrived at Seaside Celebrations. Though most of the weekend would be spent in Long Beach, this night was devoted to work, not play, for me and Caitlin. Seaside Celebrations is a sort of day care/camp/babysitting/drop off your kids and forget about them type of place that Caitlin’s sister Kristina owns. Friday nights are Parent’s Night Out which means they drop off the kids from 6-9 and go get drunk for three hours. 3 hours, 33 kids, a few dirty diapers and one screaming baby later we were done and it was well worth the $30 per kid. We headed right next door to the Cabana for a much needed margarita and then headed home to sleep it off.

I don’t know what we were thinking when we skipped right over Saturday for the weekend, but it was pretty low key. Sunday we headed back out to Long Beach around 3 for the 4th festivities. What could be more American than day drinking at the beach? I say nothing. We started off with some pomegranate and lime flavored Michelob Ultra Lights which I highly, highly recommend and from there on out it was smooth sailing. We met Siobhan and a few of her friends at her house and had a four hour highly entertaining dinner at her neighbors. Around 11 we headed to the bars and the rest is history. I think I can speak for everyone involved that we had a fabulous time. After a few of us went our separate ways late into the night, recapping the stories the next day while watching Hannah Montana was one of the best parts. Did I see the beach even once while I was down there? Nope. Well sort of. But that wasn’t really the point I guess. If I could be in the same place with those same people doing the exact same thing next year I wouldn’t ask for anything more.

Here’s to the novelty not wearing off next year either…

life lessons

In my opinion, summer doesn’t officially begin until the kids are out of school. As I walked up the driveway of the Amackassin Club yesterday to bartend, I could hear what sounded like a million kids in the pool. Ahh, the sounds of summer. Turns out it was only 4 kids and they were my cousins but still.


Anyway, I’m liking the AC more and more now that people are actually going into the bar. I made my first margarita and pina colada yesterday and I’m pretty proud of myself. I can tell those things are going to be big pains in the ass. Men’s and women’s “Adult Drop In” tennis is Thursdays ending at 6 which is perfect because then they all come see me. From what I gather, drop in is when they all show up and play each other. How it’s different from them playing each other any other time I’m not really sure.


A few guys came in and hung around until about 8:30. When they left, it seemed like no one else was in the club. The pool closes at 7 and there were no stragglers that I could tell. Of course just as I’m thinking that maybe I could close up a little early in walks Tom the Bullshit Artist, mentioned a few posts back, and I knew it would be all downhill from there. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy all the random conversations with these people and some of their stories and lives are pretty interesting. But it is a job in itself to pretend I’m very interested in all of Tom’s stories. I don’t know how the conversation started but somehow we got on the topic of all the fights Tom has gotten in. #1- 17 years old, right there in the bar of the AC. Ripped the phone off the wall and threw it at a guy. Blood everywhere. #2- Pernell Whitaker, world renowned boxer. The Marriott in Richmond, Virginia. Knocked him out cold in front of his two body guards. #3- Charles Barkley, yes him. The Omni Hotel in Richmond, Virginia. Got in the way of him macking on some chick.


Since Brian Sweeney pitched yesterday for Seattle against the Yankees and is from north Yonkers, he moved right onto athletes right out of the 914. Of course Tom coached Sweeney and is responsible for his fantastic pitching. I can’t really imagine what I must look like when he’s telling me these stories.


There was a lull in the conversation at this point and he had finished his second drink which is “his limit” and I thought maybe he would leave. Then he asked me to ask him anything about anything. Usually between a guy and a girl a question like this is loaded with innuendo so I just shrugged my shoulders and said “I dunno, you pick something” and OF COURSE he chooses to tell me why men are the way they are. I could have seen that coming from a mile away.


The conversation was complete with a diagram, filled with spelling and grammatical errors. Basically it goes like this- boys are faced with rejection from women since they are babies: first their mom, then their babysitter, then in grade school with their first crush, then in high school because the girls like older guys. Then, finally, in college they turn into assholes. That is the simplified version. His version was about an hour long. I guess he was right about a lot of things but it was all stuff I knew already. Of course I saved the diagram and was happy to get out of there once he finished up his ginger ale.


Fourth of July weekend is upon us and I could not be happier! We’re closing up early and then I’m headed to Long Beach to help Caitlin watch about 30 children. THAT should be interesting! Have a great one…