Every Wednesday at work the chefs make hot breakfast that is always way too good to pass up. I’m not a breakfast person but the smell of bacon and eggs walking into work really does brighten up my day. Anyway, one of the chefs is from Jamaica and is a great cook and really nice to me but his niceness often verges on inappropriateness. He has a wife and three kids but it doesn’t stop him from his attempts to hit on me. I say attempts because, well, they are particularly poor attempts. Maybe it is a cultural barrier or language barrier thing, I’m not really sure but our conversation this morning was noticeably strange and his comments often make me wonder where some guys get their “lines” from.
Since I went on vacation two weeks in a row the chef noticed I was gone for a while so this morning he was asking me all about it. He said, “Next time you tell me when you go and I will go and be your body guard.” Now, this isn’t so bad except for the fact that he’s about 5 feet 2 inches and probably weighs 20 pounds less than I do. When I think of Jamaican men (which is almost never) I imagine huge, black guys or Bob Marley type guys with dreads. So it’s pretty comical that this guy, who’s side profession is a barber, thinks he could be my body guard on vacation. What are you going to do? Comb them to death?
Not only is this guy super small but his accent makes it physically impossible to understand him. He speaks Spanish, French and English on top of a Jamaican accent and sounds like he mixes them all together when he talks. So this morning, as I am waiting for my eggs looking a little tired, when he said, “Don’t fall asleep on me baby. You will wake up someplace else because I will take you away and you will wake up asking what happened”, I had to ask him to repeat himself. Oh no, I heard him correctly. He wants to drug and kidnap me. Two scrambled eggs have never taken longer to cook in my entire life.
Once he handed me my eggs I could not get out of there fast enough. I try my absolute hardest to just laugh and nod and be polite because he is making my food every day but his comments are just absurd. I used to work at a country club when I was younger surrounded by chefs so I’m no stranger to “sexual harassment” (I use quotes because I just really brushed everything off or joked right back) and I know that how he’s talking to me, while inappropriate in the workplace, is totally harmless and usually just makes me laugh once I get out of there. I’m not about to make a big deal over what he’s saying so there’s nothing left to do but shrug him off as nicely as possible.
For example, a few hours after the kidnapping conversation I walked back into the cafeteria to get a cup of tea and there he is sitting at a table on his break. Of course I got the “Baby come sit with me!” heckling as I walked by but, as I told him, “a girl’s gotta work”. I got my tea and as I walked back passed him on my way out he was playing “Pretty Woman” on his iPhone. His version of the lyrics went “Pretty woman, walking out of the dining room…”. Imagine that in a French/Spanish/Jamaican accent and that about sums up my morning. So I’ll take the amusement at work any day but if he could just leave his creepy threats at home with his wife and kids that would be great, too.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
only child syndrome
As a middle child, I have never had the luxury of being the one with all the attention or the baby of the family. I would not go as far to say that I have “middle child syndrome” but I have this insane need to be around people all the time. Last year around this time I was in a constant panic because my younger sister was leaving for college and my older sister had moved so that left me. Alone. With Sue and Bill. I felt like I was being left behind and the thought of being an “only child” scared the living crap out of me. Until I realized how awesome it was.
I thought that mom and dad would focus all their attention on me which would obviously become a huge pain in the ass but really it was the opposite. My dad refs high school and college basketball from September through March and so he was rarely home when I was. And so that left me and my mom. We got into each other’s habits i.e. I started drinking wine when I got home with her and she started reading US Weekly and Life & Style while she drank her wine. All was well. And then May came around again, Brittany was back from school and my dad resorted back to his summer activity of golf. I quickly realized how silly it was for me to think that being an only child would be anything but great.
Now, of course I love my sister and I do miss her while she is away but to say that Britt “stirred the pot” while she was home is like saying that the sky is only sort of blue or vuvuzelas are only a little annoying. Everything she did over the summer I had done once in my life. Of course I would have parties while my parents were away or leave the house at absurd times during the night or drink myself stupid or not call for hours on end so that everyone thinks you are dead or sleep “somewhere” when you’re really sleeping “somewhere” else. The difference between us is that I only got caught in a handful of these poor choices. It seemed that this summer every time she did something stupid she got caught. Whatever happened to learning from your older siblings’ mistakes? For example, I learned from my older sister not to leave condoms strewn about and not to smoke on the corner of our own street because someone will see you. I also learned that really the only thing our parents ask from us is that we call and let them know where we are. Even if we aren’t really where we say we are, they just like to know we’re alive.
My point is that come this past Saturday I think everyone was ready to wrap up the summer. Britt was thrilled to be going back to school and of course I was insanely jealous that she got to go back and I couldn’t. Now we’re back to our quiet, 3 person house. Once basketball starts, it will be back to me, Sue, wine and US Weekly and I am for sure looking forward to that. Like almost all summers I am always sad when it comes to an end and this year is no different. But for some reason this year there is a part of me that is ready for fall. I think the intense heat this year and all the excessive drinking that was done has me tired out. Or maybe it’s just me getting old? I hope not but fall in New York is my favorite. Before you know it, it will be Christmas and Britt will be back home being escorted to our front door by the police. That didn’t happen this summer but it seems on trend. I guess when half of your college tuition has been taken care of because you’re a semi-genius you can afford to make these little mistakes. What would college be without them anyway? Boring as hell, that’s what.
I thought that mom and dad would focus all their attention on me which would obviously become a huge pain in the ass but really it was the opposite. My dad refs high school and college basketball from September through March and so he was rarely home when I was. And so that left me and my mom. We got into each other’s habits i.e. I started drinking wine when I got home with her and she started reading US Weekly and Life & Style while she drank her wine. All was well. And then May came around again, Brittany was back from school and my dad resorted back to his summer activity of golf. I quickly realized how silly it was for me to think that being an only child would be anything but great.
Now, of course I love my sister and I do miss her while she is away but to say that Britt “stirred the pot” while she was home is like saying that the sky is only sort of blue or vuvuzelas are only a little annoying. Everything she did over the summer I had done once in my life. Of course I would have parties while my parents were away or leave the house at absurd times during the night or drink myself stupid or not call for hours on end so that everyone thinks you are dead or sleep “somewhere” when you’re really sleeping “somewhere” else. The difference between us is that I only got caught in a handful of these poor choices. It seemed that this summer every time she did something stupid she got caught. Whatever happened to learning from your older siblings’ mistakes? For example, I learned from my older sister not to leave condoms strewn about and not to smoke on the corner of our own street because someone will see you. I also learned that really the only thing our parents ask from us is that we call and let them know where we are. Even if we aren’t really where we say we are, they just like to know we’re alive.
My point is that come this past Saturday I think everyone was ready to wrap up the summer. Britt was thrilled to be going back to school and of course I was insanely jealous that she got to go back and I couldn’t. Now we’re back to our quiet, 3 person house. Once basketball starts, it will be back to me, Sue, wine and US Weekly and I am for sure looking forward to that. Like almost all summers I am always sad when it comes to an end and this year is no different. But for some reason this year there is a part of me that is ready for fall. I think the intense heat this year and all the excessive drinking that was done has me tired out. Or maybe it’s just me getting old? I hope not but fall in New York is my favorite. Before you know it, it will be Christmas and Britt will be back home being escorted to our front door by the police. That didn’t happen this summer but it seems on trend. I guess when half of your college tuition has been taken care of because you’re a semi-genius you can afford to make these little mistakes. What would college be without them anyway? Boring as hell, that’s what.
Friday, August 6, 2010
world traveling
As a 24 year old with a pretty decent job who is still living at home, I have the luxury of spending my money on things that, if I was paying rent, I wouldn’t be able to buy. This year: 3 vacations.
Tomorrow I leave once again and head back to the Outerbanks. The drive down there is sort of like what they say about child birth. Your body forgets just how awful it is and so you’re okay having some more babies. Usually there’s an entire year between the drive back home and the drive back down but since I just did it last week just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Too bad drinking and driving is illegal because that’s pretty much the only thing that would make it bearable. This time though, I’m making a stop about half way through to pick up Ashley in Arlington, VA so I will have her company for the second half. I’m pretty thankful for this and for the fact that I’ll have someone to sing along to *Nsync’s greatest hits and all our Homecoming mixes with me. I haven’t seen her since New Year’s and I’m excited to spend time bitching about our lives to each other for 5 hours.
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| family vacay |
Nashville in June wasn’t so much a vacation as a trip since it was just for the weekend but there was a flight, hotel and two days and nights of heavy boozing that needed to be paid for. Last week was my family’s annual trip to the Outerbanks. Since I was an “adult” starting last year I started to pay for the trip myself which makes sense because I’m not a child and I shouldn’t have to depend on my parents for every single thing. They have been paying for my vacations for 23 years and, believe it or not, I was really happy to finally be able to do it myself. This year, even though I had my check in hand to pay for the week, my parents took pardon on me and paid for my share. Did I protest? Of course. Did I protest more than once? Nope. Our wallets had all taken a major hit this year from my sister’s wedding and they wanted to help me out. I’m lucky enough that they didn’t make me feel guilty once about it or even bring it up after they decided to do it. Gotta love Sue and Bill.
Tomorrow I leave once again and head back to the Outerbanks. The drive down there is sort of like what they say about child birth. Your body forgets just how awful it is and so you’re okay having some more babies. Usually there’s an entire year between the drive back home and the drive back down but since I just did it last week just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Too bad drinking and driving is illegal because that’s pretty much the only thing that would make it bearable. This time though, I’m making a stop about half way through to pick up Ashley in Arlington, VA so I will have her company for the second half. I’m pretty thankful for this and for the fact that I’ll have someone to sing along to *Nsync’s greatest hits and all our Homecoming mixes with me. I haven’t seen her since New Year’s and I’m excited to spend time bitching about our lives to each other for 5 hours.
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| home sweet home for the week |
We’re all arriving at different times on Saturday but I think me and Ashley will be the last ones. Jules, Starkey, Skinny, Joe, Woody, Casey, Maggie, Chris, Andrew, Jaqueline, Nicole and her roommates will all be patiently awaiting our arrival at our humble abode for the week. Even though last week and this coming week will have both been spent in the Outerbanks, the experience next week will be quite different from last week’s vacation with my family. Last week I was up at 9 every morning, went out for a run and came back to enjoy some cereal and coffee. This coming week I’ll wake up hungover every day at 11 and head straight to the beach where there will be a cooler of cold beers waiting for me. Last week we all went mini-golfing one night. This coming week we have a Jersey Shore themed party planned for Thursday. Last week we had fun noodles in the pool. This coming week we have an inflatable beer pong table. Get my drift?
Though the Outerbanks is a little less expensive than other places I could be going, 3 vacations add up pretty quickly. I have decided that once Labor Day rolls around its time to put a little more into my savings every month and start to focus on making the move the eff out of 25 Truman. For the rest of the summer though I will enjoy the rest of my traveling and random $100 nights out.
See ya in a week!
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