The gym has all these rules posted everywhere: no gum chewing, no cell phones, 30 minute time limit on cardio machines. But what about general gym etiquette? Recently I’ve noticed some weird things happening there that make me think “didn’t your mother ever tell you that’s inappropriate”?
The first issue I have is with this one particular couple. Now, I have no problems with interracial relationships but it will help me describe the awkwardness of these two. The woman is Asian and I would say she’s about 25-30 years old. The guy is this much older, white wrinkly man, probably at the very least 30 years older than she is. It seems by the way they are constantly touching each other and their random make out sessions in the middle of doing weights that they are very much in love. Which is great but the entire NY Sports Club doesn’t need to know about it. The other thing about them is how the woman dresses. Before I go on about gym attire, I think if I had a disposable income I would probably have much nicer gym clothes that match and are a material other than cotton. For now though I will stick to my JMU t-shirts and Old Navy yoga pants. What I am saying is that it’s great if you can look good when you go to the gym but this woman takes it to the extreme. Every time I see her she has on a neon colored sports bra with the same neon colored second skin stretchies. Not so bad right? Except over the neon colored stretchies is a different colored neon thong. I’m not kidding. And I can safely say she has at least 5 of these interchangeable outfits. Okay fine. You want to look like you stepped out of a Jane Fonda video? That’s great. But if you are going to wear an outfit like that and draw that much attention you should probably be in some sort of shape. And I’m not one to judge things like that but when I say she should not be wearing those kind of outfits, she SHOULD NOT be wearing those kind of outfits. This couple’s gym presence is so disturbing but now every time I see them I can’t help but stare and analyze their dynamics. If nothing else it makes my time on the treadmill a little bit more entertaining.
The next thing is the women’s locker room. I totally get that people are showering and naked and whatever. But do you really need to come out of the shower and stand in the middle of the locker room with no clothes on having what you think is a totally normal conversation? Especially with someone who is, in fact, wearing clothes? I’m usually at the gym around the same time every day after work so I often see the same people there. One woman, Sharon, just happens to always be getting out of the shower as I am getting ready to start my workout. She’s very friendly and I always see her talking to other women. Completely naked. One particular day I was tying my sneakers sitting on a bench and here comes Sharon. She sits down right next to me totally naked and strikes up a conversation about how much she loves my sneakers. Not just oh I like those. She’s asking me where I got them, were they expensive, do I have flat feet, do I run in them blah blah blah. I’ll have a 30 minute conversation with anyone about sneakers but when all of you is right out there in front of my face I cannot get away from you fast enough. At least put a towel on and then we’ll chat.
The last incident happened to me yesterday and is more disturbing than anything else. As I am on the treadmill I notice this small child, no more than 8 years old, standing around the weights area. I thought that was odd and then realized he was with his dad which I also thought was odd since the gym has a place where you can leave your kids. Then I realized that this kid was actually working out with his dad. Lifting weights and everything. Not only was this kid young, but he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. Then, of course, the dad puts the kid on the treadmill right next to me and he starts to run! I do this thing where in my mind I try to “beat” the people on the treadmills next to me because it helps me run longer. So now I’m racing this kid. Kids have an absurd amount of energy and stamina and so now I’m battling this 8 year old on some sort of sugar high who doesn’t know it but we’re racing. Well I lost the battle and even when I was done with my whole workout this kid was still going.
I guess all of my problems at the gym would be solved if I could just get up early and go before work. Until I find that inner motivation I guess I’ll be dealing with the Makeouts, Naked Sharon and 8 year old Prefontaine.
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